The Goal of Therapy

We know what it is that brings us to seek psychotherapy. We are feeling down and depressed, worried, anxious, preoccupied or unmotivated, so we meet with a therapist to talk about our troubles. But beyond bringing us some relief, what is it that therapy aims to do? Asked another way: What is the true, deeper goal of psychotherapy?

In insight oriented therapy we clarify the deep seated conflicts within us, making it easier for us to make well informed choices. We learn skills so that we can better cope with the difficulties that life invariably throws our way. We learn about the ways in which our past, especially our upbringing, has affected our lives today, giving us perspective and greater ability to adapt to current troubles. These are worthwhile goals and, no doubt, can be of help to anyone in almost any situation. Yet, in the final analysis, when we consider our aspirations for ourselves and our loved ones, what is it that we hope to ultimately effect in our lives through the therapeutic process?

In order to answer this question, I think we need to examine the basic challenges that we address in therapy. There are some people who are so afraid of reality that they totally withdraw, and consequently, are disconnected from other human beings. Some of us have suffered from severe trauma, making it hard for us to balance our emotions, get the stabilizing relationships we need and then maintain them for long periods. Some of us feel self-absorbed at times, and we direct our energies at keeping ourselves together; in the pursuit of perfect relationships we relate to others in terms of the purpose they serve for us in helping us to feel good about ourselves, but we do not get to know them deeply with all of their subtle human qualities. At other times we feel depressed, preoccupied, caught in obsessive loops or really anxious, making us unavailable for meaningful relating and loving relationships.

The goal of therapy then is to bring us back into the realm of the real world--a real world full of real people with real feelings, experiences and different personalities. Whether we are utterly withdrawn, self-absorbed, overwhelmed or preoccupied, the one common ailment from which we suffer is our disconnection from others. Therapy helps to bring us human beings back into contact with our needs, dependencies, vulnerabilities, flaws and strengths so that we can share deep, genuine relationships with others. That we as human beings need each other to live fulfilling lives, I think, is the true lesson of psychotherapy.